Road Trip
by TLM
Summary: The title pretty much says it all. Jarod kidnaps Miss Parker and they go on a Road Trip together. Oh, and Miss Parker gets drunk... a lot.
1. Hangups

Disclaimer: We don't own Jarod, Miss Parker, The Centre, Sydney, Broots, Raines, Mr Parker, Lyle, Brigitte, Zoe, Thomas, Parker's drink, her house, NBC and other three letter places that 'know drama' (I wanna meet drama), the car, the road they're driving on, the annoying lady, the elevator, or the one bed. That's depressing. There's some other stuff we don't own, too. Like, Miss P's pretty socks or Bugs Bunny or the sexy song. And we don't own any part of Ms Congeniality Or the Faith Hill song that Parker sings. There goes my self esteem for the day. Okay, I think we're done now. No, yes, umm.. yea. I know, right?   
Authors' Note: Hello! This is our story. It is now 12 am so please understand. This is the first story of hopefully many of ours together. La la la la la blah blah blah. Just read it, it will either crack you up or scare you... it did both for us. And we havn't even written it yet. We just know that this will crack us up. Okay, enough rambling and useless blabbering.... On with the show! Wait, this is a story, on with the story! Or on with the fanfic!!! That was an incomplete sentence Mac. Shutup Aqua! Whatever....   
  
  
Road Trip   
part 1 - Hang Ups   
by Aqua & Mac  
  
  
  
"I never did like these things. They package them all wrong. I can never get them out and by the time you do they look all deterigated and inedible," Jarod grumbled over the phone.   
"What the hell are you talking about, Wonder Boy," I demanded.   
"Fruit Roll Ups. Hey, would you look at that, it came off. Well, most of it came off."   
"I can't look at that because I'm not there. Why don't you tell me where you are so I can come see your fruit toys."   
"Oh neat, they have pictures, too."   
"Are you sure you're the genius I can't catch? My life has officially drained down the hole," I muttered, "Now what do you want?"   
"I want to talk to you," he innocently replied.   
"We don't talk. You annoy, and I get pissed."   
"Oh is that how you feel? Well, Parker, why didn't you ever tell me?" he mocked.   
"Jarod! Why did you call me once again, besides to torment me," I yelled into the reciever. Why does he always have to piss me off right before the coffee comes?   
"Ouch, that hurt. This is simply an invitation."   
"An invitation for what?"   
"An invitation for love," Jarod replied slyly. Just then he heard a click, "Parker? Uh, Parker are you there? Umm ... Parker?"   
I smiled to myself. I have always wanted to do that. Jarod is always the first one to play the hang up game. I can just imagine him still blabbering away on the other end. He'll never know I'm gone. The phone started shrieking again. No, he was not calling back again.   
"What!?"   
"You hung up on me."   
"I believe that would fall into the 'no shiznit' category."   
"What's a shiz-nit?"   
"Oh Lord help me now."   
"Well you never let me explain my invite."   
"No, I'm sick of you and your gags."   
"Wait- Parker!"   
There was that annoying dial tone again. Two times in five minutes, that's gotta be a bad sign, I thought. Oh well, she'll get over it eventually. She can really hold a grudge. I remember one time when we were kids. I got her mad and she wouldn't talk to me for three and a half weeks, but that's another story I'd rather not delve into. Well, if she was going to be difficult, then I'd have to get her attention the old fashioned way. Some sedatives might come in handy.   
*****************   
Well, that was satisfying. I certainly do enjoy hanging up on that boy. I should do it more often. Its almost theraputic. I believe another glass of tequila would certainly settle me in for the night. Ring Ring Ring. What is that incessant noise? Oh, its that telephone I've owned for quite some time now. To answer, or not to answer, that is the question. Whether it be Jarod, or my father I do not know. Of course, I'm sure its Jarod. He's the only one who would bother to call at this hour. And Daddy, well, he just wouldn't bother to call. I should pick up the phone now, but it is rather enjoyable to just sit on my sofa and wallow in self pity. Lets see who is on the other end.   
"Hello, welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"   
"Parker, are you okay?"   
"I'm peaaachy keeeeen. Chilling, having a round. And how are you," I emphasized with a finger pointed at the fireplace," on this fiiiiiine lovely evening, Jarod?"   
"Okay, how may drinks have you had? You're slurring just a tad."   
"Ummm.... I- uh. I dunno. I kinda lost count after seven." Why the hell does he care. Its none of his business. Ooooh, I have pretty socks. I look good.   
"Jarod. Do you think I look good?"   
"Uh- what?" Hee hee, I caught ratboy off guard. He wants to daaaaaaaate me, he wants to huuuuuuuuuuug me, he wants to looooooove me.   
"I'm too sexy for my gun, too sexy for my skirts. So sexy it hurts. On the catwalk-"   
"Parker-"   
"On the catwalk-"   
"Parker! Get a grip. Take a chill pill! Wait, scratch the pill taking suggestion."   
"Ooooooooh, Jarod. You really are a genius...."   
"No! Parker! No pills!"   
"Why? Pills are fun, so small, so colorful. What's not to love?"   
"The side effects," Jarod told me. Side effects?   
"What side effects? There are side effects? They should put that on the bottle."   
"Well, most people are intelligent enough to know-"   
"Are you calling me stupid, Labrat? Cause if you're calling me stupid I could take you down in a heartbeat. Bring it on!"   
"Parker! Stay calm!"   
"Oh, I'm calm. You havn't seen me angry yet. Oh no, boy! 'Cause I fly like a butterfly, sting like a bee-"   
Ooh! Sudden force of impact. Everything's kinda dark. What happened?   
"Parker?"   
Was I talking to someone. Someone's calling the name Parker. Oh yeah, that's me! Darn, those things slide fast. Whew! I didn't know chairs could do that! Dang it! Its like 20 MPH! Can you say whiplash? Wow, Thomas did a great job on the ceiling! Its pretty. I see fish. Are they supposed to be there? Maybe-   
"Parker are you okay?"   
"What..."   
"Parker. Go to bed right now."   
"Stop telling me what to do! You always tell me what to do! You are sooo off my Christmas card list! No yummiful candy canes for you! Don't you dare try to argue. No! End of story, a buh bye now."   
Click.   
That's so satisfying. Who was I talking to again? He said something about pills didn't he? Maybe I'm supposed to take some? Here they are. Oh these stupid child proof locks! Damn it! I can never get them off! Hey bugs bunny! He's on the bottle! How'd he get there? Oh well...   
*******************   
Woah, okay. Parker is really scaring me right about now. Its a good thing I'm not far away. I hop into my car and drive to her house. The Parker I just talked to is a little different from the one who always stalks around in a micro mini skirt with a scowl on her face, clutching her gun like a security blanket. God, she totes that thing around like she's 'Little Miss Rambo' or something. But then again, any guy in his right mind couldn't complain about those micro mini skirts she wears. Who wouldn't want her chasing after them in those ten inch heels and those outfits. God, that girl is amazing! Okay, moving along to the kidnapping of 'the Parker.' I fling the door open and there she is lying on the floor clutching the bottle of tequila like a lifeline. There is a bottle of advil lying next to her. Knowing how Parker holds her alcohol I figure I have at least four hours before she wakes up with a life-size hang over. I drag her by the hair towards the door- hah, just kidding. Simply wishful thinking. I pick her up and carry her to the backseat. I don't want her blowing chunks all over my new rental. Yes, I know, I've picked up some new vocabulary since my escape from Hell.   
Five hours later, she's still out. Where am I going? Oooh lookit- Parker's waking up.   
"Would you like some PEZ?"   
"I think I'm gonna hurl," she told me.   
"What?"   
"A technicolor yawn."   
"Huh?"   
"Selling buicks off the back porch."   
"Come again?"   
"Tossing your cookies... vomiting!"   
"You came up with all those versions for saying 'vomiting' all by yourself?"   
"No, they wrote a book."   
"Who?"   
"Never mind! Man you have more Mal Moments than I do!"   
"What's that?" She is really confusing me.   
"Its like a blonde moment."   
"And that would be..." Why can't she just say things outright?   
"Its like when you're always lost in the conversation. You don't know what's going on."   
"Well why would you discriminate against someone because of the color of their hair?"   
"You really don't understand do you?"   
"No."   
"Well at least he's honest," she mumbled, "Wait a minute! Where the hell am I? Why are you here? This isn't my bed or was it my floor?"   
"It was the floor," then I added with a perk in my voice, "I kidnapped you."   
"What?" she said with genuine confusion.   
"We're on the run from The Centre. Welcome to my world, Miss P!"   
"You call me that again, you earn yourself a free rendezvous with my gun's bullet."   
"I think we need to stop at a hotel don't you think so, Miss Parker?" I asked, gingerly avoiding the topic of me being shot, again.   
"What does my decision matter? I'm the one being held hostage, remember?"   
"Oh yeah. But that doesn't mean you don't get any say in where we say. I know that you were never appreciative of those half star hotels I've lived in."   
"Stop now. There is a hotel with no cockroaches crawling out the cracks."   
"Okay!" That didn't take long.   
****************   
"Would you like the newlywed's suite, Sugar? I can always tell who the newlyweds are," some bubbly blonde receptionist asked me.   
"Just get us a room! Now," I walked over to Jarod and mumbled under my breath, "I swear to God if she calls me 'Sugar' one more time she'll have a new sky light in the top of her head to boast at the next PTA meeting."   
"What is a PTA meeting?"   
"Nevermind."   
He cleared his throat, "Yes, we'd like the newlywed suite-"   
"Jarod! Don't you dare-" Okay, hand over the mouth really not original. But dang it its working.   
"Samantha here, tends to ramble a little bit. Ever since the doctor told her she had been blessed with child she has been blabbering to every poor soul she meets."   
Okay, it was right about now that my eyes bulged and I wanted to slap that cocky grin off his face.   
"Room 817, Sugar."   
"Thank you. Come along, Honey!"   
I was then dragged down the hallway to the elevator. When the doors finally closed, I gave Jarod what he deserved, "How the hell could you tell that bimbo that we are married?! Oh, and me pregnant with your child- yeah. I'd have to be drunk off my ass to even contemplate that thought-"   
"You Parker. Drunk? That could never happen! I mean you're so innocent and pure you could never be overwhelmed by alcohol, let alone have lascivious thoughts like that."   
I just brush off his childish remark and march into our room. Problem. Problem. Problem. There is one bed. Did I say two? NO, I said one. Two people, one bed, big problem.   
"Okay, well you better call room service and get some pillows so you can get comfortable on the floor."   
"I am not sleeping on the floor, Parker."   
"Okay, fine. I sleep in the bed, you sleep in the bath tub."   
"I am not sleeping in the bath tub. I'll get scoliosis! Plus, you'll probably turn cold water on. You sleep in the bath tub!"   
"Why should I?"   
"Because you're my hostage and I said so!"   
"I'm sleeping in the bed. End of story."   
"No you're not. I payed for the room!"   
"Did I say you had to pay for the room? No- I offered. But then again you didn't hear me becuase you had some desire to place your hand over my mouth!"   
"Okay. Compromise. We can both sleep in the bed."   
"... Umm... no. Let's not and say we didn't!"   
"It's the only fair solution, Parker. You know it."   
"Why do you always have to win?"   
"Because."   
"Because has never been the answer to any logical question ever asked. And you know it," there was a pause, "Fine!"   
I climbed into the bed, exhausted, "Keep your cooties to yourself!"   
"Cooties?"   
  
Two and a half hours, one broken chair, two growling stomachs, and two sleep deprived teenagers later, you get this first installment of Road Trip...... It was a lot of fun writing it and going back to edit it would just defeat the purpose of this spur of the moment idea so this is exactly how we wrote it, laughing, with tears in our eyes. My parents are going to kill me when they see this broken chair! Agh! Oh and don't expect to actually learn anything from this. Its simply off the wall and funny and stuff and yea too many words to describe it. Mac, that's a run-on. Aqua, you are so technical! I'm writing this stupid story with you aren't I??? 


	2. The Hotel Place

Disclaimer: We don't own Jarod, Miss Parker, The Centre, Sydney, Broots, Raines, Mr Parker, Lyle, Brigitte, Zoe, Thomas, Parker's drink, her house, NBC and other three letter places that 'know drama' (I wanna meet drama), the car, the road they're driving on, the annoying lady, the elevator, or the one bed. That's depressing. There's some other stuff we don't own, too. Like, Miss P's pretty socks or Bugs Bunny or the sexy song. And we don't own any part of Ms Congeniality Or the Faith Hill song that Parker sings. There goes my self esteem for the day. Okay, I think we're done now. No, yes, umm.. yea. I know, right?   
Road Trip   
part 2 - The Hotel Place   
by Aqua & Mac  
  
Why do I feel so warm comfy cozy. Big pillow. Dang it that's a big pillow. Why is it moving. Last time I checked, pillows did not breathe. Smells good, too. Now the big question is should I investigate or enjoy this unique experience. The pillow- its a brunette pillow. I'm starting to think that's not a pillow. Oh! Oh wow. Oh- it's Parker! Parker? This could become a problem. Oh no, this really is bad, I need to cough. Perhaps I should untangle myself from her before she pulls a gun on me. Maybe this is a cootie.   
"What the hell do you think you're doing!?"   
Oh, she's awake. That can't be good. This trip just keeps getting better and better. The good news is she hasn't pulled her gun. Nevermind, scratch that. I am now looking down the barrel of a 9mm Smith and Wesson. We get along much better when she's drunk. Where is that-... No! I'm not going to make Parker an alcoholic on account of me. Well, it might be a little too late for that.   
"Excuse me, but you were the one who was all over me," I countered. If it wasn't for these clothes ... I don't want to think of what would happen to me. Then again, Broots .... might ... like that.   
"Well, Boy Wonder, you can keep some of those natural wonders to yourself next time!"   
"Next time?" Hey...   
"There won't be a next time!" Oh...   
"Admit it Parker, you were all over me. In your subconcious state, you knew that is what you wanted."   
"Jarod- just shut up. You know what- don't talk to me for the remainder of this trip. Wait a minute- where the hell are we going?"   
"Where do you want to go?"   
"Home."   
"As soon as you have one, I'll take you to it."   
"That was so cold, Jarod. Am I really rubbing off on you that much. Bad influence- yes, but gosh."   
"You've only rubbed on me once, and then you pulled a gun," I look at my watch, "It was only five minutes ago." I raise five fingers for extra emphasise.   
I walk over to the mini fridge. Oh wow. Look at all these goodies!   
"Want some YooHoo, Parker?"   
"Dear Lord, spare me now."   
"That's not a very nice thing to say."   
"Would you rather I spare you?" That's not very appetizing.   
"No. Not really."   
"Order some room service."   
"What's the magic word?"   
"Now!"   
"Good enough for you."   
I now order some pancakes and orange juice for my perky roommate. Sometimes she is just a little too happy.   
"Oh wow. You can order movies, too?" I ask the clerk on the other end of the line.   
"Yes. We're having a classic musical special today."   
"Send me two of them, I'm sure they will be quite enjoyable."   
"Yes sir. Your food will be there in approximatly ten minutes and your movie is starting on channel 114," He told me and then he hung up. People have a tendancy to hang up on me. There's that annoying kharma again! What comes around goes around, but really- do I have a sticker on my head that says 'hang up on me.' I flip to the correct channel and see a woman singing on a mountain.   
"The hills are alive with the sound of music-" she says.   
"No. NO. NO! We are not watching The Sound Of Music!"   
"So that's what its called. What a clever concept-"   
"You are infuriating and incorrigible. I swear to God- you and your classic movies. If you start singing 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' I'm knocking you straight to-"   
"Where?"   
"Anywhere but here!"   
"Hey isn't that a book?"   
I hear the door slam. It was just a simple question dang it. Fine, she can stay in the bathroom. That means I get her food.   
"Don't you dare think about eating my food!" Well there goes my breakfast. How did she do that?   
"Wow. I kinda like this movie! The whole concept of acting, singing, and dancing at the same time... that's remarkable! What do they call them? Actors? Singers? Dancers? This is kind of confusing even for a genius?"   
"Jarod! Who the hell are you talking to?"   
"Oh. Did I say that out loud?" By that time Parker had walked out of the bathroom.   
"I tend to talk to myself now and then-"   
"Jarod. Shut up!"   
"I mean as a little kid growing up in The Centre the only person I could talk to was... well, me."   
"Jarod. Stop talking!"   
"But then again, I occasionaly had you or Angelo to converse with-"   
"JAROD! STOP TALKING!"   
"Ok?!? Jeez. You don't have to yell. You could've just asked."   
"I did ask. Several times actually."   
"You did? Oh. Hey what do you call these people? Actors? Singers? or Dancers? They do all three."   
"They're triple threats-"   
"Who do they threaten?"   
"They don't-"   
"Then why are they called triple threats?"   
"Because they can do all three."   
"All three what?"   
"Oh. My. God! I've yet to meet this exceptional genius that I've spent five years looking for!"   
"Wow. I always thought you were looking for me?" That's about the time the door slammed...again.   
***************   
"I'm going to cut you off now. I'll call you a cab." the Bartender told me.   
"No! I want Jarod to come get me."   
"Who's Jarod?"   
"Umm..... that's a toughy. No one's quite sure on that one. He doesn't know either."   
"Ok, sure. What does he look like?"   
"He's about ten feet tall, and he's really pretty. He's a pretty boy. Did 'ya know that he was a model once. And a Lawyer. And a Doctor. And a Photographer. And a Bounty Hunter. And a-"   
"Ok. Just who is this guy?"   
"He's a Pretender! There are Pretenders among us. In 1963 a corporation known as The Centre isolated a young pretender named Jarod, and exploited his genius for their research. And then one day their Pretender ran away."   
"Right? umm. does this guy have a phone number?"   
"Yup."   
"Well, what is it."   
"I don't know."   
"Well how do you know he has a phone number?"   
"Duh! He has a phone. It's little, an-and black, kinda rectangular-"   
"Ok. Thank you for the description of basically every phone in America-"   
"Look it! It's Jarod. Do you want his autograph?"   
Jarod walks up to me and says,"I had a feeling I'd find you here."   
"Really did your inner sense tell you that?"   
"Ok. umm... she said something about you being a Pretender?" said the Bartender.   
"Bartender, Pretender. They sound the same. Ha ha ha. That's funny! Isn't that funny Jarod!?"   
"Don't listen to her. She's a little tipsy if you didn't notice."   
"No I'm not!" I try to stand up but fail miserably. Fortunatly Jarod caught me. "Weeh, that was fun! Lets do that again!"   
"Parker, I'm gonna take you back to the hotel and let you sleep it off."   
"But I wanna paaarty!   
"Come out to the car now Parker"   
"Bye Mr Bartender, guy, sir, lady-man. Can I have one to go? No? Ok. You were very helpful! hee hee."   
"Ok. Parker. Come on."   
"You're magically delicious!" Did I just lick Jarod?   
"Did you just lick me?"   
"No."   
"I think 'ya did."   
"Well maybe it's time for a thinking alteration. Wow! that was funny. hee hee hee hee!"   
"Now you're scaring me. It's hard enough to get a smile out of you, and now you're giggling excessively."   
"Hee hee hee hee hee."   
"I think it's time for you to lay down."   
"Okie dokie smokie."   
"NO! NOT ON THE CEMENT! Parker, Why are you crying?"   
"Well," snif snif, "you yelled at me, I was just doing what you said."   
"I'm sorry Parker."   
"Are you sure?" snif snif   
"Yes."   
"Okay!"   
"Um...Excuse me? What happened to the crying?"   
"Oh, that? I learned to turn on and off while at boarding school. It's cold down here."   
"Here's a suggestion, get up."   
"I can't."   
"Why?"   
"Because...I'm stuck! hee hee hee" Jarod yanks me off of the sidewalk, "Look at me! Look at me! I can fly! hee hee hee."   
"I think I'm gonna take you back to the hotel so you can lay down in a bed."   
"Only if you lay down with me," I slurred.   
"Um ... You can't do that by yourself?" Jarod asked. He's so silly.   
"Nope." I started bobbing my head back and forth.   
"Woah. Okay. If it makes you feel better, and you don't pull a gun on me again."   
"Why would I do that?"   
"Gee. I don't know. Maybe because you're Parker!?"   
"I am?"   
"Oh. My. God. This is going to be a long night. Now I'll have to keep you on a leash."   
"I know you want me Jarod, but that's just a little extreme. Not to mention desperate." I take a few second to think, "I like it!"   
"We're here!"   
"Where?"   
"Our hotel room."   
"They should call it a hotel place. 'Ya know, you get more than one room, there's the bathroom too."   
"Ok. Parker. Time to lay down."   
"No. I wanna sing a song! You can kiss me in the moonlight, on the rooftop under the sky,You can kiss me with the windows open, while the rain comes pouring inside...Kiss me in sweet slow-"   
"Ok. As much as I enjoyed your musical talents, I'm really gonna have to ask you to stop."   
"Strip?"   
"NO! I don't want you to strip! Just...Just stop singing."   
"You don't like my singing?" I start to cry.   
"No. I think it was beautiful." I cheer up conisderably.   
"You think I'm beautiful? Aww... Well I think you're beautiful too Jarod."   
"Um... Thanks. I think?"   
"Don't worry. Just because I think you're beautiful doesn't mena I'm gonna jump you the first chance I get. But if you get the uncontrollable urge to 'attack' me, well...-"   
"Parker. Sleep.Now."   
"Remember our agreement? I sleep when you sleep. And you sleep with me."   
Jarod's eyebrows rose, they look like catterpillars. Hee hee.   
"Why are you laughing?"   
"Sleep sleep. Don't confuse me. You said sleep and now you wanta chit chat. What's it gonna be?"   
"Go to bed, Parker," he told me.   
"Okie dokie smokie! You comin', too?"   
He pondered this a moment, shrugged his shoulders, and followed. I always knew he was a smart boy.   
===================   
  
Quick question to all the people reading these: Can you tell that we like Parker drunk? I mean I know we're not the only ones who think that it's absolutely hilarious. *Aqua sighs, she knows her reputation as a Pretender fanfic writer has just gone down the drain*   
So one bag of Shrek Sour Punch Bites, one worn out dictionary, Aqua's 35 glasses of water, and an hour and a half of sensless giggling, you get this second installment in the Road Trip vignette.....   
Hey if we're totally freaking you out and you think we need serious help or you like our story (there's really no plot but we'll just call it a story for kicks) or you want to yell and scream at us because we're so tired. Then send us some yummy feedback! Whatever works for you... 


	3. The Stalking Bellboy VS The Bunnies

Disclaimer: We don't own Jarod, Miss Parker, The Centre, Sydney, Broots, Raines, Mr Parker, Lyle, Brigitte, Zoe, Thomas, Parker's drink, the hotel place, NBC and other three letter places that 'know drama' (I wanna meet drama), the car, the parking lot, the stalker bellboy, or the bunnies or the bunny song, actually we do own that. Yay! We don't have to be depressed today! You notice half the crap we write is stuff I say and you write it anyway, Aqua. Your point being? Its funny. Loss of originality points right there. Oh my Bob she's writing that. STOP! And we own Mr Bubba and the Llama Lounge and the stalker bellboy. I already said that but that's okay. We own Tyler's name but you can have him cause honestly, he gets on my (Aqua's) nerves. Little Clone Boy really pisses me off. Sorry, but hey he does not deserve to be a character. Little Jarod, yes. Little Clone Boy Jarod- no. Oh, and I have nothing against Ryan Merriman, he's a great actor and all, I'm just not digging the clone thing. Err, frustrates me... I'm sorry. Hey, Aqua, I think he's kinda cute. On a scale from cute guy to absolutely gorgous, I'd say he's up there on the absolutely gorgous side. sigh (Mac)_ Oh and we don't own the song that never ends or The West Side Story or Trace Adkins' cool song (Aqua, its country it can't be that cool. You are so wrong, Mac. You'll come to your senses one day my friend) or the toilet she's hurling in (TMI), but technicolor yawn is mine. I just thought you people would like to know that. I'm not sharing, just like Aqua with her stupid keyboard. I'm telling you, Mac, my house= my keyboard. Hands off, chicadee. I belive we are finished. Do we get a cookie or something for having the longest disclaimer ever made possible. I think we're forgetting something major. We're gonna be sued. Oh yes! We don't own The Pretender! Vital...   
Authors' Note: All right, keeping the time. It is now 3:00 PM and we have just gotten home from a school day in which we have been opening every locker in the locker room and immediately slamming them all like dominos, pissing substitute teachers off, switching seats to make the teacher think he was as crazy as we are (weren't you sitting there? No, I was sitting here the whole time... ), cracking up during the assembly in front of the cool guest speaker (just say no to drugs), delaying an entire lunch block, and playing 'toss the pink, suicidal, Jiggly Puff' in gym! "Don't push her! She's a Pokemon on the edge! She's had one too many Pikachu's!" So hopefully we are high-per enough to entertain you again. And ourselves, hee hee. I didn't know you wrote that, Aqua! You write lots of stuff when I'm just cracking up! Cool! WOOOH! Boo yah!! In your face, disgrace!! NO! My dog is not dead! It just lays VERY still!   
Another Author's Note: My (Aqua) mom said that this part would be harder to write, talk about family support. Yes, this was after my brother (also known as my "5th and a half cousin") went flying down the stairs breaking the plate into about a zillion pieces. I know that's not a real number, but you know what, you'll get over it. It was kinda like one of those moments when you're just sitting there, normal family dinner and then he falls and we simultaneously turn our heads and stare silently. Then, of course, I bust out laughing, Mom starts freaking out, and Dad continues to eat... I know you wanted to know my family adventures. There's plenty more where that came from! And now on to Mac! I'm thinking its time to write the story now, Aqua. They really don't need to know more about our dysfunctional (i can spell, i can spell!) lives. Okay, moving along now, rather quickly. And on that note... OK yeah....   
PS   
Do you know what PS means, it means post scriptum, I learned that in Latin class. Oh wait, what were we writing? Stop it! The keyboard is mine, all mine! It's my house, my keyboard. This is your house... YES! It is! I forget again. Oh yes, I think we're high-per enough right now! It is now 3:24... hee hee hee evil sinister laugh   
PPS   
I'm mad that the door opens, Aqua, when there is a lock on it. It's not locked! Ok, we are seriously gonna stop now as soon Mac stops suffocating herself. Oh, she has the hic-ups! Moving along now....   
Author's PS note: I have a golf cart. AVALANCHE!!!spur of the moment comment, sorry couldn't resist. My mouth has a mind of its own as I've told many of my teachers. Guys, don't take that the wrong way. All done now   
Author's PPS note: My little brother, Cade, is four years old and he is watching Mortal Kombat (isn't that scary) so we have the scary MK music in the background and Mac is doing the model walk and vogue. Whatever that is... OH MY BOB! Hey people, you watching the olympics? Well, they say that everyone has a twin out there and I saw mine! She was there! In the stands! It was so cool. Okay. Oh you're talking to me, Mac, as opposed to yourself. OK! We really need to start now. Hey maybe we'll get a little gold star for having the longest disclamer/author's note, before the title thing ever! (3:45)   
  
  
Road Trip   
part 3 - The Stalking Bellboy VS The Bunnies   
by Aqua & Mac  
  
  
  
What is that incessant noise coming from the other room of the hotel place? Sounds like... like technicolor vomitting, or was it technicolor buicks? Well, whatever Parker told me. I yawn. Oh my gosh! Its technicolor yawning! Not those other things. Wait, who would yawn at this hour or vom- whatever. Screw it! I'm going to go check in on our unexpected guest now.   
"Hmm hmm hmm hum," I very much enjoy that wedding song. I walk around the one bed and knock on the door, "Parker?"   
"Piss off!"   
Ok... I'm thinking she's just a little mad, "Are you mad at me?"   
"No, Pez-head, I'm hurling for my own pleasure."   
"Hurling?" That doesn't sound like pleasure to me.   
"I explained this to you the other day. You're a Pretender! Pretend you understand! Knock your head against the wall or jump off a bridge for all I care."   
"Hey, I've done that once. Of course, I had a cable, but-"   
"Shutup, I have a headache!"   
"Its not my fault you know."   
"Actually it is. You were the one who drove me to the bar where I got smashed and-"   
"Umm, you walked."   
"ERRGH!"   
"You're right! I drove you didn't I?" he said nervously. "She best not put a gun in my face or I'll have to attack her like... like... like when vetetables attack! I saw this on a television guide programing pamphlet. It was quite intriguing."   
"I can put a gun in your face if I damn well feel like it," she yelled."Jarod...who the hell are you talking to? Is the stalking bellboy out there? 'Cause if he is, I'll have to shoot you and him!"   
Oh, yes. The stalking bellboy. Parker is convinced that this bellboy has been stalking her. She says he shows up unexpectedly around every corner...around which corners, I'm not sure. Maybe...well...around the corners to get some ice, or to the bathroom...well, hopefully not the bathroom. I whispered to the mystery man,"Hey, um... maybe you should go. I mean she has been kind of freaked out lately, and saying you follow her everywhere. But I don't think you...wait! What are you doing in my hotel place?"   
"Um...mister, you wanted some clean sheets."   
"I did?"   
"JAROD!!" Parker yelled from no doubtedly, her spot on the tile floor.   
"Um...yeah. The...the...brunette called and asked for them."   
"Oooohhh...wait! How would you know what color hair she had over the phone?"   
"JAROD!!Who the hell are you talking to?"   
"Um...Um...no one."   
"I swear to God. If you say you are talking to yourself"   
"I'm not! I'm-"   
"Then who are you talking to?" she asked incredulously.   
"Um...I...um...bd-gh-uh-Brigitte?" The bellboy nodded in agreement.   
"Really?" I could tell she was being sarcastic, by the tone of voice she had. 'Ya know? She used that a lot when we were kids when she didn't believe me.   
"Uh...yeah! We're just...um...chillin', sittin' back, havin' a Bud."   
"That's it. I'm coming out." she stated bluntly.   
Oh man. I'm waving my hands frantically ushering that stalker out of MY hotel place. "Go go go go go," I strain. The door flys open and I immediately place my hand up on my head and start whistling.   
"Who was that just leaving?"   
"Um, Briggite. She didn't want to stay and play House with us."   
"Excuse me." Her eyebrow was raised. That means T-R-O-U-B-L-E. That's a country song. FYI.   
"Why are you angry, my pastry treat?" Wow! That woman has got a great right hook, "what was that for?"   
"I have never been nor will I ever be referred to as a doughnut. Especially by you- you- Mr I Am Krispy Kreme! I'm leaving this hell hole!"   
The door slammed, while Jarod remained standing in confusion.   
"Ok," I guess she has to sort out her problems.   
Miss Parker's figure reemmerged from the doorway. She looks a little pale.   
"I hate you," she says in a high-pitched voice before plummeting to the ground.   
"Why?" She's unconcious. I guess she's not about to reply. I don't understand.   
============   
Light. Ow. Pain. I open my eyes after having collapsed onto the ground I assume. Oh. My. God. There's two of them, now! Aww. I didn't think I'd hurt myself, not to mention kill myself! Because the only way this could happen to me is if I was in Hell......   
"Good morning, Miss Parker! How are you doing on this bright beautiful sunshiney day?" Jarod asked me, "guess what guess what guess what! Tyler is going to stay with us for a while! Isn't that great?"   
"Who? What? Why? Huh?" I'm in Hell. I'm sorry, God. I'll make it up to you. I won't curse, drink, smoke, carry my gun, I'll wear conservative clothes, skirts that come past my knees. Just make it all go away! Make the nightmare go away!   
"Tyler, my brother, well you know him as Gemini, my clone. He's here! Voila!"   
There's two of them. Two Jarods. I need a drink. A very, very strong drink.   
I stood up and walked to the door. I turned back when I heard Jarod's voice, "Miss Parker, where are you going? You're going to miss our movie marathon! And this time, its 'West Side Story!'" He's much too perky to withstand.   
I slammed the door.   
============   
There was a air of smoke pressuring in on Parker's senses from all around. Home, sweet home she thought. Ditch the football scenario behind her, and she was in Heaven. Jarod and Little Clone Boy were really starting to piss her off and this was definitely the way to go. The noise was irking her to no end, but soon all the pain would be forgotten.   
"Back so soon?" asked the bartender as I slumped onto the stool I've come to claim.   
"Shutup and serve me!" I demanded.   
"What's the magic word?" He best not be thinking the "P" word.   
"Now!"   
"Someone's a little demanding."   
"Well, I happen to be very thirsty." And someone happens to be very cocky.   
"There also happens to be a convenience store down the street." 7 11 is not exactly my style.   
"Are you refusing my service? 'Cause I'm thinking that a Big Gulp isn't exactly what I had in mind, Bubba."   
"No. Just makin' a suggestion."   
"You're not paid to make suggestions, you're paid to get me drunk."   
"Depends on how much your payin'."   
"You know, I'm gonna need you to stop talking and bring on the Vodka. Did I say tomorrow? No, I said yesterday. Now go!" I pointed towards his way and off he went like a busy little beaver.   
Finally, after like a minute, he comes back.   
"Well, I'm glad you didn't have a heart-attack at the pace you were going."   
"Little Miss Impatient."   
"What did you say to me, Bubba?"   
"Um, are you on vacation?"   
I really hope he doesn't think I'm falling for that line. I havn't even had my first sip, yet. I put the glass to my lips and ahh, soon I get a little taste of Heaven at last. Sigh. Like I said, Home Sweet Home.   
=============   
"Where do you think she went?" Tyler inquired innocently.   
"Where she always goes," I answered.   
I looked at the boy, "The Llama Lounge."   
"The Llama Lounge?"   
"Yes, the Llama Lounge. Local bar. We are in a pretty old fashioned kind of place. I guess. Maybe. I don't know. That's just what its called."   
"Umm, okay, Jarod." I wonder if they'll have llamas there. They are quite facinating creatures and so unacknowledged.   
"Lovable little things, huh?" I asked my companion.   
"Don't they spit at you?"   
"Only if they don't like you. Leave the poor things alone! They're just misunderstood!" Like me...   
==============   
"This is the song that never ends. Yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people-"   
"I'm going to need you to stop displaying your musical expertise," Mr Bubba told me.   
"Hey what's your name, Mr Bubba?"   
"Its Jack."   
"Well, Jack. Jack Frost. Hee hee. Robert Frost, Frosty the Snowman, Snow White, Jackedy Jack Jack, I'm gonna call ya Mr Bubba. Okay?"   
"Okay, thanks for all the different variations of my name, but that's what you have been calling me."   
"I have? Yeah I know. Why do you need to labor the point, Dude!?"   
"Look, there's your friend, the pretender."   
"Which sounds like bartender."   
"Exactly." He's so smart. I think he's a pretender, too.   
"Parker," it's Jarod! "such a surprise to see you here."   
"No, I come here a lot. My new crib you know. Hey Bubba, these are my peeps, Jarod and Tyler. Aren't they cute? Hey- notice the smimilarity between 'em? Huh huh didja didja." I whisper and get closer to Bubba, "cause they's clones!"   
"Right, and he's a pretender." He pointed at Jarod or Tyler. Not sure which, but hey what's the difference.   
"Hey, how'd he know that?" Tyler said.   
"Hee hee hee. His inner sense told him. Hello! Ooh ooh knock knock!"   
They both kinda looked around.   
"Oh yeah. I forgetted. Never mind."   
All right, Parker I have some news for you."   
"Gasp! News flash!" I said while falling off of my stool. Woah! Okay...   
"I thought she was just supposed to gasp not actually inform us that she is in a state of gasping." Tyler is just a tad and a half slower than Jarod, but he's helpin' me up, so that's okay.   
"She's drunk, son." Jarod patted him on the head.   
"Hey hey hey," she waved her finger around after being placed back on my feet again, "he's not your son, Babe."   
"Really? Hey, don't you want to hear the news."   
"Go for it. Knock yourself out."   
"I was searching through the database of the mainframe and found some intriguing documents-"   
"Woah woah woah- two things. 1) this is not a news flash and b) lose the big words and speak slowly. Its early. I'm tired. Shut up or speak slowly. Oh and keep your words to a minimum of two ooh-ahs. Two claps, please."   
"It is 4:30." Tyler informed us. Such a smart little whipper-snapper.   
"Two claps?" Jarod asked. Not quite as sharp as his young follower.   
"Yea. You know. Like, 'Par-ker'" she said while clapping her hands together twice.   
"Do you mean syllables?" he ventured.   
I giggled, "Yep that's the word I think. 'Cept right now I'm really not into that thinking thing- this aint no thinkin thing, right brain, left brain, it goes a little deeper than that. Its a physical, chemical, emotional, devotion, passion that -"   
"Listen to me, Parker-"   
"I am 'listening to you,' Jarod." She overexcessively repeated her air-quotes.   
"I believe you use those twice. Once at the beginning and once at the end." Tyler just reeks of information!   
"Oh my Bob! I've got bunnies!" I looked at my curled fingers and giggled at the sight of bunny ears on my hands. That's really delightful.   
"Bunny bunny one bunny bunny two. Bunny bunny one bunny bunny 'b'. Bunny bunny-"   
"Listen to me both of you!"   
"Me in the bunnies are listening quite attenti-titit-intively. That's a real big word. Confusin. Hee hee hee hee." I started pulling one of those uncontrollable silent laughs and one big deep breath before repeating the process over again.   
"Wait, Miss Parker, would you demonstate the bunny method once again. Its rather intriguing."   
"Uh huh uh huh. It goes like this," I start bopping around again and bunnying, "bunny bunny one, bunny bunny 'b', bunny bunny six, bunny bunny oh, bunny bunny bunny bunnies everywhere we go!"   
Tyler makes a valiant attempt, but you know. I am a lot better. I kicked his cotton tail! I am totally rocking it with the bunnies.   
"Lyle and Briggite are on their way, as we speak! We have got to go, NOW!"   
"Well, why don't we just stop talking and then they'll stop coming?"   
Jarod stopped to think about this. "No," he shook his head, "we seriously need to go. Tyler, stop bunnying- I mean whatever you're doing. We are leaving now."   
"Oh, I am sorry Jarod." Tyler started walking towards the car.   
"I'm not about to go through the same routine as last time, Parker," Jarod said when Tyler had left throught the parting doors, "we don't have the time."   
Weeh! I'm flying again! Obviously he decided to take the more direct route and just carry me to the car. I hope I don't drop the bunnies. Okay, we are at the car. He put me in the back and sat down next to me. Apparantly young Tyler is not so young and he can drive. I can use this to my advantage. Of course, we could just show a cop Jarod's picture. I mean he IS like the same kinda sorta person. Hey, what is that thing he just put on me. Its black, got some shiny hard stuff on it. I've never seen one of these before. Jarod must have invented it.   
"Okay, Parker, time to put on your seatbelt."   
"Seat...belt. Seatbelt. Nifty, what's it do what's it do?"   
"Oh, that's right. You're not exactly accustomed to using one."   
"Using what?"   
"The seatbelt."   
"Seat...belt. Seatbelt. Neat-O, what's it do what's it do? Don't leave me outta the loop."   
"We just went over this. It keeps you from getting hurt." I'm confused. "Pain."   
"Oh. I thought that's what sweepers were for."   
He kinda sighs. And sits down next to bunny bunny one. Tyler turned the thing in the thing and the thing starts roaring. "Can we open the windows?"   
"We havn't even moved yet."   
There's a pause, "Are we there yet?"   
"You mean out of the parking space? No."   
"Oh okay. Where we going?"   
"I don't know."   
"Well, I kinda thought you had to know that to go somewhere."   
"No not really."   
"Why?"   
"Because."   
"Oh. Hey! I like that word. Because because because because because! Hey, because starts with a 'b' just like bunny. Because because because."   
"Parker-"   
"Because because because because-"   
"Parker-"   
"Because because bunny because because." I throw my arms up during the bunny! "Seatbelt goes click click click the seatbelt on the car goes click click clikc all the way to- where are we going again?"   
"I do not know, Parker."   
"Aww, you ruined my song. 'I do not know, Parker' does not rhyme! I'm not talking to you anymore."   
"Thank God."   
"Its Bob!"   
"I thought you weren't talking to me."   
"I'm not. I'm talkin' to the bunnies! This is Bob and this is Bobberta."   
And everything goes black.   
  
  
  
Please send feedback:  
  
To Aqua: Aquagirl157@cs.com  
To Mac: Oldnavybabe2k@aol.com  
  
  
  
Author's Note: Whew, that was long and really stupid but we thought that maybe we should throw in some sort of a plot at some point. They are coming. There's your plot for you. The bunnies are coming, too! The gremlins! They are coming! The llamas! They are coming! STOP! I can't type that fast, Mac. I'm gonna cry. Hic-ups hurt. Guess what people. We took a break and played on my swingset and I fell and got a concussion and things were dizzy all on behalf of you. Don't you feel special? Then, Mac broke her neckalace and lost her charm and then I found it and then she lost it again and then she found it again. Where'd it go anyway? I thought you had it, Aqua. No. You kinda had it. Not really. Cade! LOL! That's funny. Okay, moving along. You wanta know something? We really hate it when Parker is drunk. I mean say no to alcohal people! Its only funny when- screw it- scratch that. Have you all noticed that throughout the whole series, we see Parker drinking in about 75% of the episodes and yet we only really see her drunk in one episode, Wake Up! They are coming the llamas are coming, the gremlins are coming. Aqua, why do you have to write everything I say? Cause its so funny and so realistic. I think half this post is our Notes and Disclamers. Oh and I'd like to mention the fact that I, Aqua, made this awesome title! Go me! I rock! Booyah! In your face disgrace, Mac. Okay yo, the whole Bunny thing was mine so talk to the hand Aqua, back up off me, Punk! You're a freak.... *cough cough* prep *cough cough...*   
(Ending time: 1:32 AM hey we took a few breaks, went out to eat... had a life- something unknown to us...) 


	4. Mr Hollywood, Mini Me, and Skim Milk

Title - Road Trip Part 4:   
Author - Aqua & Mac  
e-mail address - Aquagirl157@cs.com for Aqua and Oldnavybabe2k@aol.com for Mac  
Rating - PG  
Category - Comedy ;-)  
Spoilers - DO NOT ERASE. Otherwise known as Donoterase. Anything's game.  
Keywords - MPJF I guess  
Summary - LOL! That's all its for! A laugh for all our stressful lives...  
  
  
Disclaimer: We do not own THE PRETENDER or any of its characters. We are merely using them for our own personal benefits in our plan to take over the world!!!insert evil maniac laugh here Just kidding... I stole someone's 'cracker jacks to you,' and I'm sorry. It just kinda fit and it was funny... haha. Oh and, we have absolutely nothing against the good people of 7-11 even though this the second time we've cracked on them. Hey, they gave me my light-up PEZ pen! So, if you feel you need to sue us for whatever compulsive reason it may be, I warn you now, we will deny everything and blame The Centre, for which all evil things take place beacuse of.  
  
Road Trip  
Part 4: Mr Hollywood, Mini Me, and Skim Milk  
Aqua & Mac  
  
  
"Do you think she's asleep yet, Jarod?" asked Tyler as they evacuated from their recently inhabited city. The green leaves of the trees had melted into a honey brown and they wavered in the gentle breeze as a rented vehicle passed by unnoticed. The three had been in the car for only 45 minutes and the boys were already getting ancy. Years at The Centre will do that to you.  
Jarod started waving his hand in front of Miss Parker's face, "Parker, oh sweet angelic Park-"  
"Wave your hand in front of my face again and you're going to come back without a finger, grr," a low mumbling voice replied.  
"I guess this would be the whole day after, I'm still mad at the world hangover phase."  
"Cracker Jacks to you, Einstein," she groaned, "Make the sun go away, Jarod."  
"Would you like some sunglasses?" Jarod offered her some black plastic sunglasses after wiping some smudges off of the lense.  
"What, did these come off the 99 cents rack at 7-11?" she scoffs, waving them away.  
"Hey, they're still functional. I'll wear them if you won't." To prove his point, Jarod slipped the glasses on and folded his hands behind his head, content.  
"So, Mr Hollywood, where are we going?"  
Tyler piped in from the driver's seat, "Lets go to Vegas!"  
"A little young to gamble now aren't we young buck?" Parker ridiculed while picking at her finger nail absently.  
"I can still scratch can't I?"  
"Scratch what?" Parker inquired, irritated at her own bewilderment.  
"Scratch and sniff?" Jarod asked, intrigued.  
"No, the lottery tickets. Just pick up a quarter and scratch scratch scratch your heart's content."  
"Way too many verbs in one sentence, young man." Jarod scolded.  
Parker, who had had enough, got to the point, "Head to the interstate, Tyler, and we'll figure it out from there."  
"Where's the interstate?" he asked.  
Jarod responded, "Next turn on the left."  
"No, that'd be on the right, Franken Freak." Parker contradicted.  
"I'm certain its on the left, Miss Parker."  
"That'll send us to The Little House on the Praire! Do ya wanta hit a cow, Jarod?"  
"Of course not, cows are sacred animals."  
"Wrong side of the earth, Columbus."  
"You are the one who has been too drunk to know what continent we are even on and now you know the road map of a foreign city. Explain that to me, the genius in this car. We need to go right," Jarod muttered after his rant.  
Tyler argued, "Hey, I am a genius, too."  
"I thought you said left," Parker said, disregarding Tyler completely.  
"I don't remember now!"  
They both sighed and threw their arms up in the air.  
"Jarod! Stop copying me!" Parker said.  
"I'm not mimicking you at all, I do have a personality of my own thank you very much."  
"Why would I desire to immitate a lab rat who's been stuck under the earth all his life?"  
Tyler giggles from the front seat.  
"What's your problem, Mini Me!?"  
"I know where to go. I just saw a sign about five minutes ago."  
"Well, why didn't you inform us of this?" Jarod exclaimed.  
"Well, one, you were too busy yelling at each other to bother asking the driver, of all people. And two, well, it's kinda like a train wreck. You know you shouldn't be watching, but you just can't look away."  
  
****  
  
"Fore!"   
"Dad, its Putt-Putt, you don't have to say 'fore' every time you hit the little ball," Debbie muttered as she sipped on her Yoo-Hoo.  
"Its the simple things in life, Honey," Broots responded paternally, "for example--that Yoo-Hoo you're drinking-- its not even real chocolate! Its chocolate flavored water, and yet its so darn tasty."  
Debbie turned around and muttered, "Oh my God, my dad's a total dork. He's just a plethora of irrelivant facts."  
The shrill of Broots' cell phone rang and he hesitantly pulled it out of his pocket and brought it to his ear.  
"H-hello?"  
"Broots, this is Sydney. I think I have a lead that Lyle may be up to something in a Las Vegas casino called Le Salon de Lama. You need to look into this now that Miss Parker is gone God knows where."  
"Oh, well me and Debbie are enjoying ourselves playing Putt-Putt."  
"Don't jump to conclusions, Daddy!" Sydney could hear the young voice pipe in.  
Broots sighed, "Well, I guess--I guess I'll come. I'll be at The Centre after I drop Debbie off at one of her friend's."  
"See you then."  
Broots frowned, "I guess this puts an end to our Mini Golf Safari, Deb."  
"I think I'll be okay," she replied.  
Suddenly, the cell phone interrupted them once again and Broots answered grumpily, "Yes?"  
"Its me again," came Sydney's thickly accented voice, with an actual hint of perkiness, "I called to tell you that there's a very interesting documentary on the Discovery Channel about the spotted Bluebird's mating rituals. I think you should tape it."  
Broots' face scrunched with confusion, "Is this code? Like, the eagle flies south for the spring--"  
"Its winter, dad." Broots pulled a double take as he heard his daughter say something that he could of sworn would have come out of Miss Parker's mouth, had she been there.  
"No, not code, just, I thought you might want to see it. Never mind. I'll see you soon. Good-bye."  
"Um, bye?" Broots shook his hand and lead his daughter to the parking lot.  
  
*****  
  
"Sunny days... chasing the... clouds away... on my way to where the air is sweet!" The last note of Jarod and Tyler's beloved Sesame Street car tune came out in all sorts of assorted notes. Parker had scooted over to the side door of the car and was inconspicuously rolling the window looking straight ahead. Her eyebrow started twitching, result of the late night visits from Mr Jack and Mrs Daniels.   
Jarod looked over at her as she started to lean sideways and he stopped singing, "What are you doing?"  
"Jumping."  
"Jumping? Why ever would you want to do that?"  
"To get away from you crack-heads."  
"What did we do now?" Tyler asked.  
"Do you want a list?" Parker grunted.  
"Don't worry," Jarod assured her, "we are almost there. In fact, I have to make reservations."  
"So what basement are we molding in this time?"  
"Actually, I think you'll take this one to your liking Miss Parker. Five whole stars."  
Miss Parker paused and slowly inched the window back up, not quite sure if she'd soon need to make a quick escape.  
Jarod continued, "I hear they have a highly acclaimed golf trail there."  
"Ooh!" Tyler exclaimed, "Putt-Putt?"  
The window was suddenly back down again and Jarod had to grab Miss Parker by the waist to keep her in the vehicle.  
"Not today, Miss Parker. We have so much to do."  
"So much to do? I've been with you two freaks for I don't know how long and what have we got accomplished aside from being thrown out of about 5 bars and hotels?"  
"Hey! You are the one who got us thrown out of those places. Its not our fault. I was happy watching The Sound of Music in our room."  
"Don't you dare say the words 'our room' ever again if you wish to live to see Mommy again."  
Jarod's face showed his hurt, "We're almost there."  
The three sat in silence for an hour before anyone dared to speak.  
Tyler finally broke the unbearable silence, "My foot hurts. I have never driven this far before. Actually, I've never driven before."  
"What? Tyler!" Miss Parker scolded.  
"Hey I can pretend can't I?" he replied.  
"Well, pretend that you wanta drive a little longer."  
"Would you rather I slump over and pass out on the steering wheel and crash into something?"  
"Crash into something? Do you really see something to crash into?"  
"Well--"  
"Sorry. Took too long. It must not have been that important if you had to take that long to think of a reasonable answer. You're a disgrace to the Pretender kind!"  
"Ooh ooh-- sign!" Tyler pointed to a sign for a nearby truck stop.  
"Woo ooh," she flailed her arms about, "where did that little sunburst of energy come from? You don't seem too tired to drive now, Rip Van Winkle."  
"I swear, for every comeback me and Tyler have, you just bust out with three more little miss Engergizer Bunny," Jarod piped in, snapping his fingers, "going and going and going and going and--"  
"We get the picture! Tyler, pull over at that truck stop," Parker resigned.  
Tyler pulled into an empty parking space between the 7-11 and the truck stop. The three got out of the car, Tyler tripping.   
"Well, I'm glad we got him out of the front seat, tripping over his own two feet, we would've been dead soon enough," Parker said.  
"See! Right there! What did I tell you? Snappy comeback!" Jarod accused with a pointed finger.  
Miss Parker's long strides took her to the door of the truck stop and after opening the dirty glass doors, soon turned around and headed back.  
"We are not setting one foot in that honky tonk retreat."  
"Oh yes we are, Parker." Jarod grabbed her by the wrist and yanked her to the door, "its either this or the 7-11."  
"I'm not hungry. Lets just go. I'll drive. Woah, what did I just say?"  
"You said you would drive," Tyler informed her.  
"No, I won't. I change my mind!"   
"Haha, too late Miss Parker. You can wait in the car while we get some food."  
"No. I don't trust you. I'm coming to make sure I get some real food."  
"All right. Fine."  
They entered the building and every eye turned on Parker.  
She moaned, "I change my mind, I wanta wait in the car."  
"Too late," Jarod grinned.  
A man in overalls walked over, "How are you doing little lady?"  
"Back off, Bubba."  
"How did you know that was my name?" he responded.  
"Lucky guess." She looked over at Jarod and Tyler as they piled junk and sweets onto the counter.  
  
****  
  
Back in the car, Jarod and Tyler sat in the backseat examining their goods. Miss Parker was unhappy in her new position as chaufer. She glanced at the two in the mirror, sighed, and gulped down some milk right out of the gallon-sized carton.  
"What the hell is wrong with the two of you?"  
Jarod looked up, "Us? We're not the ones chugging a gallon of skim milk."  
"Hey! I have to get over my drinking problem some how! You got a better idea, Ratboy?"  
"Why did I kidnap you, anyway?"  
Miss Parker smirked and floored the gas, startling her two passengers.  
  
AN:  
Feedback please!  
Aqua- Aquagirl157@cs.com  
Mac- Oldnavybabe2k@aol.com 


End file.
